trampled in dust

"i have a normal life." S said to me last night on the phone.
and i said "yeah, i know you do."

after a long time i realized how true that is.
she does have a normal life.
and like she said,
everything else is normal too.

she asked me "you think we'll end up together?"
and i said "i don't know."

and then i asked "you think we will?"
and she said "i don't know."


i don't even know what to feel anymore.

i feel guilty and i feel responsible for this girl.
i promised to give her the world.
and now both of us are running away from that same world.

i don't know the meaning of this life.
my life.
i don't understand the reason.
i don't know the purpose.
i have no direction.

i said to her last night "come back soon"
and she said "no."
"i'm not coming back."
"you will come now."


i promised her the world.
and now we're running from that same world.

i cannot handle things anymore.
i'm so close to doing something so stupid.
i'll be so stupid to go through with it after coming so close.

am i crazy?

i think i am going crazy.
maybe that's when i'll find some peace.

i'm okay.
but i'm not fine.
i'm losing my mind.