trampled in dust
"i have a normal life." S said to me last night on the phone.
and i said "yeah, i know you do."
after a long time i realized how true that is.
she does have a normal life.
and like she said,
everything else is normal too.
she asked me "you think we'll end up together?"
and i said "i don't know."
and then i asked "you think we will?"
and she said "i don't know."
i don't even know what to feel anymore.
i feel guilty and i feel responsible for this girl.
i promised to give her the world.
and now both of us are running away from that same world.
i don't know the meaning of this life.
my life.
i don't understand the reason.
i don't know the purpose.
i have no direction.
i said to her last night "come back soon"
and she said "no."
"i'm not coming back."
"you will come now."
i promised her the world.
and now we're running from that same world.
i cannot handle things anymore.
i'm so close to doing something so stupid.
i'll be so stupid to go through with it after coming so close.
am i crazy?
i think i am going crazy.
maybe that's when i'll find some peace.
i'm okay.
but i'm not fine.
i'm losing my mind.
3 Comments:
oh my...
when i read this post, i swear, my heart nearly stopped. it sounds so familiar. the longing, the distance. the tears + uncertainty.
here's sending u grounding energy.
u are not losing your mind. hold onto your center.
September 21, 2006 1:13 AM
thankyou.
i hope you're right and i hope i'm not losing my mind. i cannot find my center. i've lost it. but i appreciate the concern:)
September 21, 2006 10:25 PM
Thank you for stopping by and for your kind words.
I hope you have a lovely weekend, I'll have to stop back! :)
September 22, 2006 6:50 PM
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