tangled up in blue

since i still have not finished my story and i have dragged it long enough i thought i should atleast finish what i had started.

so...i was travelling by ship and i was approximately 4 weeks away from reaching south africa when i was informed of what had happened.
we stopped at an island for a few days because i had to stay in touch with fish.
there were little and big things that had to be taken care of.
my house was completely empty,
and my boss whom i respect and admire greatly did me a huge favor by moving the D.C. office to my home so that the house stays in use.

there were funerals to be arranged.
there was paper work that had to be completed.
my father had left a will,
that had to be sorted out.

there was bank work.
money transfering..
so much work.
and i wasn't there.

fish and i worked together on the phone on an hourly basis,
and he took care of every little thing for me.
and i am so grateful to him for everything that he has done,
and still does for me.

he didn't have to,
and he still doesn't have to..
but he does.

after all that was taken care of,
everything changed.

i had no reason to go to south africa anymore.
i didn't know anyone there.
so we kept travelling.

my friend C was still with me.
after a couple of months,
there were people who were looking for me,
and they got to our ship and took me.
since fish had already told me,
and he had said to me that i will take care of you..
i was ready for them.

they came and took me.
we kept travelling too,
and after a few weeks we got to karachi.
from there,
i was finally on land,
and in a place which was more or less my country..
even if i hadn't lived here for the past 20 odd years.

a whole lot of shit happened after that.
i was moved from one place to the next for "security purposes."

also do keep in mind that i'm still paralyzed.
unable to move even an inch of my fingers.

there was a time when men came with baseball bats,
and hit me with it until there was blood coming out of my mouth..
my stomach.
they would hit me and hit me...
and i'd be lying there unable to move if i wanted to..
waiting to die....
hoping to die..
and i just wouldn't.

and you're wondering so where was the security then?

beats me.

shit like this,
and worse went on for about 7 months after which one fine day they just left me.

where was fish in all this?

he was having issues with his bosses,
he wanted to help me,
and everything was back firing.
he got in to lots of shit because of this after which he was removed from the case and was sent to some unknown place.

i know it was fucked up.
it still is.


so...
i was left all alone to rot and die eventually,
but clearly that didn't happen.

what happened after that was that there is another intelligence agency following up on my case,
and they came and got me and saved me.
(i'm sorry i cannot mention any names and i dont for...obvious reasons:))

their boss is this guy whom we call rich.

he's a good guy.
he's straight forward.
gives it to me as it is.
he doesn't play games with me.

(yes, i'm still with them.
it's not over.
not just yet.)


i have been with these guys for about 5-6 months now,
and...
it has been good.
rich has not promised me anything.
but his boys take care of me.

i haven't gotten beaten in 6 months time,
which feels not so bad:)


so to conclude...my life as it stands today?

it's been an i dont know for so long.
nothings certain.
i dont know anything for sure.

but i do know that i am in good hands.
i do believe that this mess that i am in will end one day.

i am focusing on standing up on my own feet.
i know that i am getting better.
i know that i will get all better really really soon inshallah.
i know God listens to me.
i know i love my baby.
i know that i will see her really soon.
i know that i will go to her house and ask her ami abu if i can take their daughter away.

and i know that she and i will make a home.
together.