nobody knows it but me.

to continue with the story of my life,
which i left in the middle and disappeared for a long time...
i got lost.
i think i'm gradually finding my way.
i said gradually.
i have learnt that you will only find the way if you truly want to.
and you can do anything,
anything at all,
if you want to.

the key is to never give up.
keep praying.
keep the faith.
and someday,
things will work themselves out.

so to resume where i left....

december 2003,
i had no way of getting out of the situation so i went down to pakistan.
went to pindi where my family was residing then.
flew down there for 5 days.
got there,
had the ceremony,
the rings had already been exchanged..
it was a small gathering,
and i had gotten married.




i didnt tell her.
i didnt tell her that i was coming to pakistan.
i didnt tell her what was going to happen.
we didnt talk about it.
i disappeared on her,
and i think she figured it out on her own.

i came back and spoke to her on new years.
she was sleeping over at her friends house,
and i couldnt call her,
so i was sending her text messages from a website.

i will never forget that conversation.
i will never forget a word.


i wasnt in touch with her,
i didnt mesage her,
didnt call her,
didnt catch her online after that night.

2 weeks later,
she messaged me and i spoke to her.
it was the one of the nicest conversation i have ever had with anyone in my entire life.
we smiled immediately when we saw each other online,
and it was the same.
everything was the same.

i was miserable without her.
i wouldnt go home.
i would keep looking for work,
and stayed out most of the nights.

my wife per say was a joke.
i didnt look at her.
i didnt speak with her.
she tried talking,
and i would look away,
or get up and leave.

i was miserable.
i was angry.
i was pissed off.
i was sorry.
i was so in love with someone else.