completely incomplete.

it's 140am, and i have a feeling it is going to be a long night.
why?

i'm not too sure.
the past few days have been....i dont know what the word is for the past few days but..
i know i'm sad.
really sad.

nothing has happened.

there are just too many feelings.
emotions.
conflicting thoughts.
way too many of them.

there is too much at stake.


i want answers.
i dont need them.

i want them.

i always question.
i always have questioned.

everything.

the answers hurt me at times too.
but i still like to question, expecting an answer.

what is life.
why am i where i am and not some place else.
why did they say that.
why did they think that.
why is everyone fighting.
why is there so much suffering.

why is there so much hatred.


what is hatred.

i dont know.

i dont like that word.
it's too strong for me.

i have seen and faced and heard and experinced the harsh.
but i cannot hate.
i dont want to hate.

cowards hate.

i'm not a coward.

but i'm not the bravest either.

i can face.
i can see.
i can hear.
i can experience.
i can suffer.

i have done.

but i have also held my ground.

i am brave.
i am strong.

He gives me strength.

who is He.



He is God.


What is God.
Who is God.

everyone has a different God.
everyone has a different faith.
everyone has a different belief.


my God is that little voice within me.

my God who keeps telling me to go on just a little bit longer.
my God who keeps telling me that my life isn't my own only.

what is life.

it's a journey.
it's an experience.
it's pain.
it's suffering.
it's being.

it's a moment.


and in this moment.....i'm lost.