music to my ears

i've had a very rough week,
which will continue to be so for a few more days.
the details i will write soon,
not in the mood at the moment.

and yesterday i heard strings song "zinda"
what a great song.

i closed my eyes,
and i felt better after listening to it.

i also finished the first season of LOST.
starting season 2 from tonight if i have the time.

i'm not sure what the world is coming to.

i had some time to watch tv,
and as i was flipping through the channels,
all that i could hear was "terrorism"
"war"
"crisis"
"code red"
"bombs"
"attacks"
"fighting"
"death toll"

the world was never this unsafe a place to be in,
was it?

our nation was never this lost,
was it?
i wonder what the future of this country is.

i think the question should be,
is there a future?

i have never seen a nation more disillusioned than ours.
i dont know who to blame.
our parents and grandparents or my own generation,
and the new one.

i haven't lived here in a long time.
that is why i know it could be better.
we could be better.
things could be better.

noone wants to stand up and take responsibilty.
not because they cannot,
but because they dont want to.

everyone is living their life.

people dont like to work as part of a team.
the perfect example of that would be our cricket team.
that 11 member "team" defines this nation as a whole,
and i have one word for them and all of us.

disgraceful.

we are a disgrace to our fathers and grandfathers.
we are a disgrace to the millions of people who sacrificed their lives to give us this country.
we are a disgrace to our home; Pakistan.

and if anyone questions me and says why can't i start?


i will.
inshallah.

i just need a little time to be okay,
and then inshallah i will.
i dont know where i will start from,
but i do know that i want to make a difference.
i want to make a family of this nation.
noone knows better than me what it feels like to lose a family and people you love the most.
and there is no home if there is no family and friends.

and i want to make a home.