The Sound of Music.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

the week that was!

it's been a hectic last 2 weeks or so.
the nights have been too long.
rich finally managed to get a hold of everyone who is important to my life that will be.
since everyone's scattered around the world,
i have the pleasure of sitting in front of a flat screen,
video conferencing with men in the U.S. & London.

the meetings begin at 8pm every day and they could last from 3 hours to sometimes 6 hours at a stretch.
have we reached any conclusion in 2 weeks?
it has been a lot of hard work,
which has required extreme amounts of patience.
patience that i lost in the first 3 meetings,
and i came out livid..disturbed...disappointed...sometimes feeling defeated..
but then i learnt.
rich spoke to me and told me how to sit in there and deal with crap.

rich is a good guy.
he knows how to handle me,
and how to talk to me.
he gives it to me straight and that's always better.

but sometimes what even he doesn't understand is that it's over-whelming for one man to have so many strangers around trying to take control of his life.
a life that..
that i'm still struggling with.
a life that i'm still learning to hold on to and not let it go.

every night starting at 8 pm,
there sits a panel of men fighting over me.
my life.
not because they care.
but for what it's worth.

it's been going on for 2 weeks now,
and not once has anyone asked me "so what do you want?"
not once.

i guess that is okay too.
i trust rich.
i have left everything completely up to him.

i do what i have to do.
rich does what he has to do.

what do i have to do?
get better for myself and S.

i got my surgery done and i went to india and the doctor there worked with me and helped me get use to the leg.
ever since ive gotten back,
i have been working with my leg..
sometimes i'd walk.
take small..little baby steps.
as i was getting more comfortable,
my steps became more confident.

day before yesterday,
14th rained and the weather was great.
i went in the kitchen and made pakoraas for everyone.
we sat outside,
we had yummy pakoraas and chae,
and then i got up and i walked on my own with my boys for 45 minutes.

after 2 years and 3 months,
i walked on my own 2 legs.
for 45 minutes.
without any support.

i told my baby and she asked me,
and she always asks me "so how did it feel?"
i wish i could tell her what i felt.
i wish i have the words to explain.
but i dont because words will not do justice to the feelings.

with every step that i take..
be it a baby step or a big step,
i think of my parents.
before getting up,
i always look up say a prayer,
and tell mum and dad to look at me.

so they know that i'm okay.
and even if i'm not,
i will be.
i've come this far,
i think i might just be able to go all the way:)

yesterday i walked for half hour again.
my walks getting better.
im becoming more confident.
i've started taking slightly more big steps now.
i still have a long way to go..
my doctor ordered a treadmill yesterday.

he wants me to get on it as soon as it comes.
he walks with me for as long as i walk,
and then he does my physio therapy.
he's concentrating more on my left part of the body.

he works with my arm and my fingers for one hour every day.
after these meetings are finished,
he said he would increase the time because my body is responding well and he can get much better result out of me.

he doesn't want to put too much stress on my body right now.
the meetings are enough stress,
even if i don't feel it or show it alot.

my right hand is working mashallah great now.
when i hold a glass it doesn't shake.
but i'm a lefty,
and my left hand doesn't work as freely for me right now.

today i wanted to shave myself,
and i was working with my right hand..which didn't make anything easy,
but it was fun.
it took me 25 minutes to shave but i loved it.

loved it!

i did my own tootee phootee shave.
i don't even remember when was the last time i shaved.


that is my update.
for everyone who read my blog and is horrified and is in shock,
please remember me in your prayers.
the reason i started blogging was to share my life with as many people as i could.
i want people to know is hard.
life is difficult.
but what in the world would we go on for if we had it all?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

im speechless...yet again, even though ive been reading your blog almost everyday and ahve left sevral comments in the past...just speechless...
still anonymous...but not for too long...havent had time to get an identity...
im glad things are mashallah looking up!

August 17, 2006 12:11 AM

Blogger Sobiya said...

HIIII!! Thanks to you and S for your sweet replies...I can't believe the crap those people wrote, HOLY!! It's my first time here and I'm enjoying your blog! I'll be back for sure! :)

August 17, 2006 7:30 AM

Blogger in2deep said...

hey anonymous, i was wondering where you were yesterday. good to see you back on my comment card:)

and hey sobiya:) welcome to my world. do leave a comment everytime you visit.

August 17, 2006 1:10 PM


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