treadomilophobia

my physio therapist believes that it's time for me to get on the treadmill.
he thinks that i need to start exercising regularly on the machine,
so my leg muscles relax and my limb gets used to particular movements.

my problem with this whole idea is that i'm scared of treadmills.

i have never been on one.
ever.
but i have seen people run and walk on it,
and i feel that i will do a very bad of running or even walking on it.
it's ridiculous.
why do i need to walk on a machine to relax my muscles when i can walk on earth.

why?

i tried to make a deal with my physio therapist (dr. brit.)
i said to him that i will walk triple the time that he wants me to spend on the goddamned treadmill,
but he refuses to listen to me.

i hate doctors and their logic.
i have always hated them.
i don't get them.

anyway.

so 2 days ago i was sitting with my boys after tea and just hanging out when one of them suggested that i should get on the treadmill with them and i profusely refused.
they kept saying we will pick you up and take you there and i kept saying dont you dare fucking even try.

eventually 2 of them came and picked me up and put me on the treadmill and wouldn't let me get off it.
i tried to get out of it and complained for half hour after which i gave up.
they started the damn thing and kept telling me how to work on it.

after struggling and juggling and fumbling for about 20 minutes on the thing,
i told them that's it for my first day and i got off.

today,
when i went to get my physio done dr brit decided i don't need to get physio anymore for a while and i am going to be working on the treadmill for the next few days,
which i know for sure will turn in to weeks.

hmmph.

so i got on the treadmill,
and for the first 15 minutes or so he taught me how to work with my feet when the belt starts moving.
and then he switched it on.
i struggled with it for a long time.
i cannot get the hang of it,
and most importantly,
i don't know how to balance myself while walking when the ground beneath me is moving.

it scares the hell out of me.
please don't think that i'm a freak.
i'm not.
i promise.

i have hardly gotten used to standing up on my own feet and walking confidentally.
i need time.
i will get used to this daymned machine.

i worked on it for over an hour in total today.
it was uncomfortable and annoying and irritating at times but i know i need to do it.
i have to do it.
i even googled treadmills and amputations and artificial legs today,
and read up on it.
it seems to have worked for so many people.

i will get used to it too.
it requires hard work,
but with a life like mine,
what doesn't require hard work?