The Sound of Music.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

in all unfairness


S and i had stopped planning on meeting for a while now because everytime we try to,
and we plan it and when it's almost time,
every single time...
something goes wrong.
for example the last time..
i was going to pick her up from her house and half way a car came and hit my car so hard..
and i completely fucked my back.
and the boy who was with me took me back home immediately,
thinking that the injury might turn in to something big.

S and i still haven't met..
if you guys haven't figured that out as yet.
we've been planning on meeting for over 2 years now...
yet we're still together.

so this time...
we planned to meet.
didn't make a big deal out of it.
and guess what happens?

doctor saab was going to get a few of my test results from the hospital when two cars came and hit him.
he was in the passenger seat..
he's got some serious head injuries and is unconscious.
and the boy who was driving got seriously injured too,
but he's up.
he's hurt his back and leg but he'll be okay inshallah.

it sucks.
it more than sucks.

i'm not sure what is it that keeps us going..
giving us a reason to go on.

we've been together 4 and a half years and then some,
still haven't met.
but we know we cannot live without each other.

it's not like haven't broken up.

we broke up 3 times.

i got married in the middle of the madness too.

and somehow we worked it out.
we've reached here.
we've come so so so far than both of us ever imagined.

i'm not sure what to think of it.
what to make of it all.

is it that it's not our time yet.
or is it that we're just not meant to be.

but why wouldn't we be together?

we're so good together.
there is a connection.
there is that clicking.
it was there day 1,
and it's still there after all this time.

we still make each other laugh.
we still complete each others sentences.
we cry together.
we make each other happy.
we still bring that same smile to the others face as we did in the first 6 months.

she still makes my heart skip a beat.
she still makes my heart race.

i know how i feel.
and i'm sure of my feelings.
and i know that there is nothing else that i want.
i keep telling her that i will steal you away from God if that's what it takes.

for me,
she is the one.
she is my one.

in my vulerable time..
she could have gone.
she doesn't deserve all this.
why would she stay with me?

for what?
for whom?

for someone that yeah she loves,
but has never met?
never seen?

but she stayed.

and the times that i left..
i came back.
not for her.
to her.

there have been so many times,
and still are times,
when i need her more than she needs me.
and she's aware of that.

and she stays.
not for me.
she stays with me.

we haven't said our vows yet..
but we're living up to them.
we've lived up to them.

we don't do because we have to.
or we should.
we do because we want to.

after all this and so much more,
you expect us to believe we don't belong together?
or that we cannot be together?

why?

why us?

people everywhere get married and have relationships with all kinds of wrong people.
why or how are we different?

we haven't even been given a shot at "us"
not even once.

it's always been about everyone else.
and everything else.
it's always about the third person.

it has never ever.
ever.
been about you and me.

all that there is about "us" are our thoughts.
our dreams.
our little and big plans.

at some insane level,
i guess i understand what all happened with me.
to me.
my family.
my friends.
everyone that i ever knew.

i get that.
like i said,
at some insane..
strange level,
i get that.

what i don't get is...
what is so unusual that we have asked or is what we want.

all we ask is for us to be together.
like any other normal one girl and one boy.
they meet each other.
like each other.
fall in love.
get married.
have kids.
have a family.

that's all we want.
that's it.

how many people do we all know who met,
fell in love and got married?
i'm sure everyone who is reading this knows atleast one situation of the sort,
right?

all we want is that one little chance.
a chance to feel that feeling in the stomach.
that knowing smile.
that touch.
that hug.
that first date.
that first kiss.

so much happened,
happens,
continues to happen every single day,
and in the middle of all that,
there is a fairy-tale.

and you just wait and see.
it will finish with a happily ever after.
(inshallah.)

you know why?


because it didn't start with "once upon a time..."

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i dont know what to say..
sigh..
i was beginning to get worried when i didnt see a post...
hope you and S are hanging in there!!

August 26, 2006 5:36 AM

 
Blogger in2deep said...

:) dont worry im alright. and yeah, we're hangin'. got no other choice.
thanks!

August 26, 2006 3:04 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So what stops either of you from getting into ANY mode of transporation and seeing the other. Both of you are presumably adults, of sound mind and able to navigate using directions. Hello? How hard is that if you are in the same city? Or are you? Even if you were not the in same city, it is not impossible.

Or is it the fear of seeing something that you may just be disspointed by, that allows for excuses to be made?

2 years is insane!

Sadiyah

August 28, 2006 7:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i dont think sadiyah gets it..has she read ur previous posts!
i feel very protective about both of you....
Faiqa

August 28, 2006 7:54 AM

 
Anonymous S. said...

Hey Faiqa:) S here. Its alright, haha I dont blame Sadiyah for saying that- thats what most people would think, even the people who have read the previous posts.

I wish she understood though, that it is way way way beyond the point of being "disappointed". 2 years is insane and 4 years is..haha well 4 years just seems like a surreal dream :)

Its sweet of you to feel protective of us. Pray for us too on and off.

We'll make it inshallah. And the world shall know us. Thats my promise to it.

God Bless:)

August 28, 2006 10:00 AM

 
Blogger the olive ream said...

Hi there!..dropped by to say hi. HI!

your posts are as always a riveting read..

I admire your courage and tenacity...completely unrelenting. wow!

:)

August 28, 2006 11:49 PM

 
Blogger Edward Ott said...

whooo

August 29, 2006 4:14 AM

 

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